• The poetry of details

Tow The French guy or Begin again.


We met via an online dating app. He had this beautiful picture with a sunset (I will later find out it was taken in South America) and three other pictures in which he had this James Dean look in his eyes.


We texted for two weeks and everything was super easy with him. He was the first guy I really liked in a long time. He was the first guy I really liked after my long term relationship. While I found him hilarious, at some point he said my jokes made him laugh out loud. "He thinks I'm funny?!" I was quite surprised. I mean, yeah, some of my friends smiled every once in a while - mostly because of how I pronounce words in Romanian (there's a reason I'm not a news anchor). But he was a guy I haven't met in real life and he liked me! Me! And I liked him. A lot.


And we finally met. We walked around the city and I remember teasing him when he got lost "You don't know the city you're living in?" He smiled: "I do, mademoiselle, but I also need to check Google maps, I want to show you a very nice bar and I'm trying to find the shortes way." And just before reaching our destination, a garbage truck passed by and in a very serious voice he said "Hurry, Ioana, hop in. We can get there quicker". I laughed out loud and I knew I was in love right in that moment.


We had a glass of wine and talked about our past, we talked about food, talked about our families and I remember that at some point I looked at him thinking he was perfect. I confessed my pizza addiction and he threw his head back laughing like a little kid. I was happy. He was happy. We were laughing like never before.


He walked me home and kissed me goodnight. It was cold, it was 1am and I was in love again. I didn't want him to go. He didn't want to leave, but it was late and he had to work the next day. Stupid French laws!


"It was very nice to meet you, mademoiselle. I'm happy you made time for me" he said, after kissing my hand. And while before that night I believed  this was a cheesy gesture for old school movies, the whole evening was perfect. I watched him leave my street and then hurried inside to text my friend. "He likes me. Me! And he is handsome and smart and funny and kind and charming. And such a good kisser. And he likes me!" I fell asleep thinking this might be the best holiday ever.


It was just a date but it changed the way I act on dates now. Because he made me feel like I'm the most amazing woman on earth. We didn't had the opportunity to have a second or a third date, and one year later we were still talking how life is not fair. We could have been a great couple.


But we kept in touch and we had a friendship like I never had before. He got to know me in the two years better than people I was meeting in real life. He was there for me when I couldn't sleep at night - and I knew he will respond at every text. We has there when my brother got married and I sent him a million pictures. He was there when I quit my job and made me laugh out loud in the next days. He was there - always, one text away. And he made me happy - a happiness I thought I have lost for good. Before meeting him, I spent the previous years thinking that all love ever does is to break you to pieces and burn your heart. But I was with him in a bar and I found that it can begin again.


2018 comes to an end and we don't talk anymore. We're not friends on Facebook or Instagram, we don't have each other's number. It's a shame, because it's been almost an year and nobody knows about food better than him. We used to exchange pictures with snacks and drinks  and silly selfies. It was fun.


I chose this picture for the text because I hope you'll read this. And I'm gonna explain one more time. You hurt me when you didn't keep your promise - and I told you this twice. I expected for you to apologise - and you know I don't give a third chance to anyone. Was I upset with you? No, I was more than upset - I was angry. I was furious. But I gave you a third opportunity to apologise and you chose to run away. You see, I don't encourage this type of behaviour. It doesn't matter if we've been friends for a year, ten or twenty. If you hide away and expect things to be resolved by God, I'm gonna save you some time. God doesn't work like this.


You need to learn how to show up, honey.

You need to learn to say when you're upset.

You need to learn to say when you're in love.

You need to learn how to communicate.


If you decide to contact me again, I'm one text away. It's still me, the one who inserts Taylor Swift lyrics in the text. And by the way, I did change my Romanian number to a German one. I changed apartments since we last spoke. But I'm still in Berlin and I still pray for you. I miss you, my dear friend.

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